A New Baby!

Pia gave birth to a healthy baby boy today..Axel David Senders.
Zac and I will be going to see them next month. I'm so excited and broken hearted at the same time, that David, Pia and little Axel are doing well and so sad and heartbroken that Pam didn't have a chance to meet her new grandchild.
She was so excited...and did so much shopping for the little one that there are several years of birthday and Christmas presents tucked away in her meditation room waiting to be wrapped.
I am having a difficult time without her. During the day I try to keep busy at work, but the evenings have been especially hard.
I met with one of the Hospice social workers last Friday. She was Helpful and a good resource. Today she called and gave me the info. for a mens group on grieving through legacy.
I am going to give Yoga another try at the club, Pam and I were going to the early sessions and weekends some time ago, I started hurting my wrists and had conflicts with work so I slowly dropped out. It is time to start where I left off.
Zac and Billy have been coming over for dinner at least once a week. Last Saturday they were here for breakfast and a trip down to Fir Point to check out the hay and corn maze. Of course we had to get the homemade donuts as well.
I am so used to shopping for two or more, that the transition to one is painful.. when I get to the checkout line and realize what I have in the basket is way more than I need I have fallen apart. I shop with sun glasses on now.
I'm hoping with time I will be able to deal a little better with my grief and be able to revisit places that we have a history with and not be so devastated by the loss and maybe even rejoice at the loving memories. That seems like such a long long road and I see no end in sight. I know it will take some time, I know that is my course, once I regain my bearings.

Things I am grateful for today:
my love of Pam
Three wonderful sons
One very special daughter in law
a brand new grandson
the autumn sun as it lowers on the cloudless horizon casting its promising glow against the turning leaves that seems to make them come alive at the end of their days.
the sound of rain hitting the top of my dodger streched tight like a drum over the companion way into Milagro
Our dog Jack so full of joy and energy that turns tears into laughs
Ben