Pamela atop Cape Kiwanda giving thanks

It's hard to believe two weeks have passed. Most days have been very difficult but I have mangaged to muddle through them with my heart and head seemingly set in thick jello. But now that I'm getting more than a few hours sleep a night has helped. Last week I went back to work for a couple days with a shorter than usual attention span , though most of my time I spent at home doing chores, cleaning, laundry, the business of Pam's estate, leaving items where she had set them ( I just can't move them yet) and working in our garden. All of which have been emotionally draining but cathartic.

Last Friday Debbie (Pam's sister) and I used the Tickets Pam had purchased for us and went to the Opera Pam wanted to see, interesting but definetly not for me.

We have been ushering for about 19 years at the Artists Rep. theatre, this past Saturday was our second play. At first I didn't think I had the heart to continue, but decided to go anyway. Bill, my brother in law went with me.. Eugene O'neils Ah Wilderness is playing.. an excellent play, a great cast, very well done and a must see for those of you interested. I have decided to continue the tradition of ushering.

This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life, I know now how absolutly crushing it can be to lose a hard earned soul mate such as Pamela.

Hopefully I will not be repeating myself to a lot of you, but our paths first crossed in I think 1970. Pam and Richard were looking at Goldern Retrievers at a kennel down on Macadam. I was looking at the same litter only on different days. I later got a Blue tick hound while they got Balzac the Golden R.

A few years later when they lived at the Seaside house, Pam worked in Philips and Richard had the shooting range, I lived around the corner from them. Most days I would walk my dog and two others of roommates right past the Seaside house. Balzac would sometimes be out front and join us for a romp on the beach. Several times a woman up on the boardwalk would call out and Balzac would go running up to her. In the later part of the 70s when they lived on NW. Raliegh, I lived around the corner on Savier, My studio was on Thurman, her neighbor rented studio space from me.

It wasn't until the fall of 1988 That we finally met at Fruit and Flower daycare in NW. She would sometimes get there a little before me and I would follow her up the stairs, she with Billy in tow, me with Zac I was totally amazed at her calves, thinking wow.. she has got to be a runner. There was a familiarity about her that intrigued me.

That first moment When I heard her voice and looked into her eyes I fell in love as if I had known this woman for years. It was those first probing and exciting converstations that we were able to sew and piece our paths togeather through time. Her Dad delivered my sisters children.

The early years were to be a double edged sword as we both had some things still to work out. Luckily we both arrived at the same place togeather. The following years togeather have been the best years of my life that I shall cherish and hold dearly for the rest of my days. I still cannot imagine my life without her for her presence is inside me and everywhere I turn.

I fell in love with her spirit, the essence of Pamela of who she was and how she came to be. I am so lucky she chose to share so much with me.

I just want to thank all the folks who have written so many wonderful cards and that she was able to share with all of you as well. A many heartfelt thanks to you all.