The Redwoods

Pam in Stout Grove

200 feet down in Oregon Caves Pam's cap

The view from our window

Ben between the trees

I saw the Redwoods for the first time in 1974, several lifetimes ago, I was young and impressionable: it had nothing to do with the mushrooms I had consumed earlier that morning for breakfast.

Today I ventured back into that same forest with Pam by my side, senses tingling, as wide eyed as that first trip.

If you have not seen them at all or like me, waiting until many years later to come see them again, the sound of the groves is a silence filled with sensations, pulsing with such primal life that they should not to be missed.

Anyway here are a few shots of the Redwoods, the Oregon Caves and the lighthouse just outside our room at Crescent City.

With the last week of chemo complete, and just one more day of radiation, Ben and I plan to beat cleats to southern Oregon and northern California in search of the biggest, oldest trees on earth. We leave around noon Monday, tomorrow, and return in a week on Tuesday. After exploring the redwoods for a few days, we plan to drive north into southern Oregon to Brookings and Bandon and stay in the sunshine and salt air a few days before returning. Send on any travel advice for those areas.

While we are gone, Chris will be painting in our house, so we can avoid the noxious fumes and strained necks and shoulders involved in painting ceilings. Hopefully the tools Chris needs to conduct some diagnostic work on the moisture in our walls will arrive soon so we can proceed with cleaning up the two extra bedrooms. The longer range plan is to remove the carpet and refinish the wood floor, as well as put up knotty pine paneling and a Murphy bed in what was Billy's room, also known as my new sewing room. I fear Ben and I will be in hot negotiation as to the primary use of the remodeled room. I think he envisions his office, while I see a part time guest room and sewing room. After all there still is the other room that would be fine for an office, which would be a second office for him, after all. Follow my line of argument? We usually seem to resolve these blips with relative ease, but I would appreciate any biased opinions supporting my cause. Another project afoot is a remodel of our little shower/bathroom. Wally is doing the work, primarily tile and glass shower enclosure, with hand thrown ceramic sink. Ben will make a beautiful oiled rosewood counter top. Can't wait for a new, clean bathroom. Hopefully all these projects will be done before David and Pia return this way for Thanksgiving vacation. And maybe I will get a chance to sew the bedroom curtains I started a year ago. We'll see how well I can sit up to a sewing machine.

Medical Preview: A CT scan of the pancreas will take place M 10/19, doctors appointments the following few days, and HOPEFULLY surgery will be the option and will be scheduled by the end of October. Please direct your prayers and energies for the successful surgery option. All your positive energies, thoughts, and prayers are making a difference in how I feel about all this. You are all doing so much for me and for Ben. Thanks to each of you. Love to all, Pamela

What a beautiful day for the advent of fall, the Autumnal Equinox. It inspires me to share my evolving world philosophy. Friday in my kundalini yoga class, teacher Bill referred to the Age of Aquarius. Being a child of the Hair generation, I was curious and Googled the topic. Apparently there is disagreement among astrologers as to the actual time of the Age of Aquarius, but many believe that each astrological age, determined by the alignment of stars and planets, occurs every 2000 years, and that the "dawn" of the Age of Aquarius coincides roughly with the beginning of this millenium. According to Jude Currivan, PHD [www.judecurrivan.com], "At dawn on 14th February [2009] the Cosmos actually embodie[d] this perfect alignment to support our collective manifestation of love and peace and dawning of the Age of Aquarius." Vera Reid (astrologer) said, "The destiny of humankind in the Age of Aquarius is the revelation of truth and the expansion of consciousness." [Vera W Reid, Towards Aquarius, 1971] According to Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi [www.adishakti.org/age_of_aquarius.htm] we are already experiencing a revival of spirit among the new generation." The Age of Aquarius will be a time when "everything becomes unified. All our differences, all our dualities mix together like the fragrances of a flower shop...Our individual worth comes from inside, from what we have inside, through our development, our evolution, and what we can give to society...This is the era of peace, of unity, of love."

In the words of the song from Hair, "When the Moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars." I want to believe this.

Medical update: Last week I was able to get both chemo treatments. I continue to feel great if just a little tired. Next week is my last week. Yeah!

This is the truck photo I referred to in the last post but apparently had forgotten to upload, truck circa 1953.

Sunday Ben and I drove to the Bremer farm and surprised Uncle Warren, Darlene, Randy , and Jeanie with a visit. We explored around the barn where I have memories of childhood visits. The truck in the picture could be the one my cousins talked me into driving at age 11 (?) while they were loading hay bales so we could get done with the chores and ride the horses to the creek for a swim. My driving lasted about 10 seconds as I had no clue how to even steer a vehicle let alone operate the clutch or brakes! It was great to see the family. Afterwards we drove to the Swan Island Dahlia Farm and checked off 27 varieties we are considering adding to the garden. Obviously we will need to pare the number down. What a feast for the eyes. The sunrise photo was my view this morning, Tuesday, from my front porch. Such a spiritual time, the dawn. Reminds me of my dad who loved to watch the sunrise too. Oh, the haircut is new, as of last night. Like it? Makes me feel girlish.

Medical update: Although my blood counts were still down, they had improved slightly and enough that I was able to get chemo today, after which I devoured a burger at Stanich's.

Take care all.

Love, Pamela

Sunday morning, another beautiful morning!

Friday I awoke before dawn, before my alarm, eager to start another day. I had missed a week of yoga classes and my yoga community of friends. As Ben drove me in to the MAC, I inhaled the cool breeze fluttering through the open windows and sun roof of his sporty Porche. I felt quite alive and vibrant with the possibilities the day seemed to hold.

I have been soaking up these crisp and bright late-summer mornings with a thirst for living. Although I have strong and high hopes for continuing to live, I also feel an urgency to live life to the max, something that concerns my husband, and occasionally me, because it is hard to stay in bed and just sleep. Last night was another night when thoughts kept racing through my head of all I wanted to do, make and see, all the books I wanted to finish reading (stacked high beside my bed), all the people I wanted to connect with again and again, and all the places I wanted to explore by land, rail, and air.

I have plans, big plans. In a month we will drive south to stroll among and ponder the ancient redwoods and linger along the warm southern Oregon coast. After my surgery in October or November, David and Pia will join us for Thanksgiving, and I will be able to eat turkey, cranberries, sweet yams, and pumpkin pie! In the spring we will drive to Colorado making a loop through Idaho (Tonya), Utah (Arches National Park), Colorador (the Rockies and Dave and Pia), Montana (Glacier National Park), and maybe Wyoming (Alex and Yellowstone National Park). In spring 2011, we (hopefully this includes a happily sedated Ben) will fly to Europe with Billy (celebrating the end of 4 years of medical school), starting in Greece and Italy then looping north via the mountains in Germany and Austria, Moldova, Czech Republic, connecting with Joyce somewhere, and joining David and Pia in Sweden. (I know I need to consult a few people, as well as a map, so no one be alarmed that I haven't asked for your opinion to be included in my travel plans!)

As you can see I am spending a lot of sleeping energy with my planning and dreaming. Early this morning (12 - 2) I sat at my computer making yet another photo book, inspired by something Bill had said Friday in yoga: Life is a mystery to be discovered, not a problem to be solved. Saturday after Kimi's class I bought some of the books she had suggested for 'creating a personal spiritual life': wonderful writings by Rumi, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Lama Surya Das, which ring true for me.

Today we are driving up the Willamette Valley to Bremer's Corner for a surprise visit with cousins, who will hopefully be there, not still in church. Then we plan to soak up the beauty of the Swan Island Dahlia Farm, selecting some bulbs for next spring planting, and visit the Oregon Garden, returning via the old ferry across the Willamette and home: a Sunday family drive from 'back in the day' like we would have done with Mom and Dad or with Grandpa and Grandma Wood.

Well if I don't end this soon, my husband may give up on me ever being ready to leave.

Medical update:

Still no chemo last Friday because the WBC and neutrophils (baby whites) are too low. So PLEASE consider that my resistance to infection is very low and it would be risky for me to be with any of you if you have the least indication of a cold, flu, or other infection. Please call me and postpone a visit or cancel as a driver if you fit the description above.

Because my platelets are also low, I am no longer using sharp instruments, so no more gardening or chopping veggies in the kitchen for a while. If anyone would like to come deadhead my flowers, particularly my roses, I would appreciate it and keep you company!

One more week of treatment is nearly over. Today after radiation, Leslie and I walked on Mt. Tabor with Louise and her dog, Litus. It is another beautiful day. I hope that summer will continue into fall. Now that the neighborhood children are back in school, as well as many of my teaching friends, I really feel my retirement status, and love it. I can take care of so many postponed projects, like ripping out carpeting, installing bathroom fans, securing my house to its foundation so as to qualify for earthquake insurance, and most happily, remodeling a bathroom. Spending more time at home, I am really appreciating getting everything in shape and as comfortable and welcoming as possible, for all your visits.

Medical update: Hopefully tomorrow, Friday, my white blood cell count will be high enough for another round of chemo; it wasn't last Tuesday. They say this is normal and to be expected. I learned something comforting/encouraging yesterday, reading The Scribe, a medical publication that Billy receives at our house. It featured my surgeon, Dr. Paul Hansen, who is medical director of hepatobiliary and pancreatic surgery at Providence Cancer Clinic. Apparently he was the first in the Pacific NW to perform a fully robotic laparoscopic Whipple surgery, for pancreatic cancer. As of 8/10/09, he had performed 10 such procedures. Only four other centers in the US, and no other is the western states, have used robotic surgery for this procedure, and only the Mayo Clinic has done more than a dozen. Apparently this is the most difficult kind of surgery, because it is very 'vascular.' Enough of the specifis, I am so calmed down knowing that my doctor is on the leading edge and highly respected. I can't imagine having a better team on my side.

So you all don't worry now. I truly feel fine and usually pretty calm about this. Thanks again for all of your warm thoughts, positive, energy, prayers, advice, gifts, cards, calls, visits, help, and comfort. I have a strong medical team and hosts of 'angels' looking after me.

Love you all.

Pamela

Hello - With two weeks of treatment completed, I feel good. We are down at Tierra del Mar again, with Zac, Deb, Bill, and my dogniece Sadie. Dave and Pia arrived in Portland Thursday night and are spending Friday and Saturday morning with Richard at Seaside before heading back to town for a friend's wedding. Sunday, they will come down to Tierra del Mar with Billy. It has been wonderful spending so much time with our three sons, especially at the beach where we have gathered so many fond memories over the past 20 years we have spent together. We hope to play in the waves, climb the dune, walk the shore, and eat at our favorite bakery, the Grateful Bread - best biscuits in the world.

We hope that each of you is happy and "celebrating another day of living" as we are.

I have been enjoying emails, snail mail, and phone calls from you all. (Please no texting.) Keep it coming. Feels so good to be loved.

Until later.

Love, Pamela and Ben