Looks like I missed a day of posting my gratitudes already. Oh well, I am grateful today for:
- Having found this beach house at Tierra del Mar where we have been vacationing for 22 years now.
- The intermittent sunshine and the sea (I guess that's 2).
- Feeling good today, able to enjoy a fabulous breakfast at Grateful Bread, even though they had just run out of their famous biscuits.

We arrived yesterday in time to make dinner. I think it must have been the rain that awoke Jack and me at 4:00 am. After a small meal, gnawing on a bully stick (Jack's treat), a chapter in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and one in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and a few rows of knitting, I returned to sleep until about 10:00, Jack curled up next to me on the couch. We finished our bakery breakfast an hour ago and I've been at the internet cafe now emailing and installing software so I can begin some documents on my laptop back at the house, should it happen to start raining again. In the meantime, we will go down to the sand, maybe climb the dune at Cape Kiwanda. Zac is celebrating a birthday with his mom then will come join us. Unfortunately Billy will be busy with rotations at Dornbecker this week and can't join us. We'll have to 'surf' without you, Billy.

Gratitude

My friend told me about writing three things each day that I was grateful for, so I thought I would write these on my blog:
1 - Being alive
2 - Being married to Ben
3 - Having three marvelous, compassionate, and otherwise exceptional sons
I guess these will continue to top the list, so in the coming days, I'll move down the list!
much love to all,
Pamela

medical update

I am on track - was able to get my chemo today. Thank you to Carolyn Wood and Phyllis for being my drivers and friends yesterday to the CT scan. Thank you to Carolyn Fenern and Liz for being my drivers and friends today. I am beat, but otherwise OK so far. I am squeezing out all my energy to get some things done in preparation of going to the beach Sunday. Soon a nap.
Later.

Mom and I had a fantastic time on our jaunt to Tacoma via Amtrak. The train was restful and quick with plenty of time for chat and knitting, mom reading. Hotel Murano was very nice and accommodating. Whereas check-in was 3 PM, they let us check in when we arrived around 11 AM. We were able to change and rest before we headed out for the museums. Tuesday we went to the Washington State History Museum and saw an exhibit on the Arts and Crafts Movement in the US. We oohed and aahed at the Chihuly art encased in the glass bridge to the museum.

The hotel was beautiful, newly remodeled, full of glass art with a different artist featured on each of the 24 floors. Glass canoes hung in the lobby.

We had a beautiful view of Mt Ranier from our room.

Dinner at Shenanigans provided a delightful view of the waterfront.

Wednesday we ate a leisurely breakfast then went to the Glass Museum and gift store, my favorite part of most museums. The glass art in the pools outside is always changing.

The hotel let us check out late at 1 PM, so we returned from the museum and changed. After check out we had lunch in the hotel restaurant and caught a taxi to the station for our 3 PM train back to Portland. Ben picked us up and took us to mom's where Duane had prepared a delicious salmon dinner from his recent catch in Alaska. The fresh local peaches for dessert were the best.

Thanks for a the great memories mom.

update

You could say, "No news is good news." I have felt pretty good, some ups and downs each day; more up than down. I've been very busy between home projects and being with friends and family. Some of this past week's highlights included visiting with cousin Claudia, sister-in-law Kellie, sister Kathy, and a small group of outrigger friends and their young children. That was a blast. We took them to the playground at OES, where my boys loved to play, even into middle school. Unfortunately, yoga hasn't figured into the schedule, which I am missing. Not being able to go to classes the next two weeks either, I want to discipline myself to do more in my home practice. I miss the support and motivation of my yoga teachers and community.

Today, my oldest son David finished his visit here with us. He had arrived Friday night from Boulder, CO. Pia stayed home at rest. She and baby are doing well, but she continues to be on bed rest. She has made it to the 30th week, which is an important marker. Just 9 more. It was so nice visiting with David. We stayed very low key, visiting late into the night and resting a bit during the day. It's always hard to say, "Good bye," but I look forward to seeing him and Pia and Baby in November. And I was anxious to have him back in his home with Pia.

Tomorrow, I am taking Amtrak north to Tacoma with my mother. I am very excited about this chance to have her to myself. We plan to go easy and see some art, Dale Chihuly especially.

Thursday, I will have another CT scan and blood test. Friday, I am scheduled for my third round of chemotherapy by infusion and will start the oral chemo again as well. I expect to lie low the following few days, except that Sunday we head for Tierra del Mar for 8 days. I think I'll plan our menu and grocery list on the train, because I may not be wanting to think about food for a few days after the infusion. Still, it will be good to smell the ocean and feel the sea breeze. Zac will come with us for a few days. Wednesday, my brother Mick will come down with sister Kathy and Tom, maybe Mother as well, through Friday or Saturday. Friday, sister Debbie will join us. Saturday we have a memorial dinner for my dear Uncle Jerry back in Portland. We plan to return to the beach early Sunday and stay through Monday afternoon. By then, I hope I will be up to all the travel and guests.

To those of you, most of you, I am not seeing, take care. See you again soon.
Pamela

Pam with all her boys

This shot was taken this morning after Pam had served up some of her delicious German Pancakes, the all time favorite with all her boys.

The tea Party was a lot of fun: good food and happy company. Here's a shot of the group. Today I am exhausted and going down soon for a long nap.

medical update

Medical Update: For those of you who want the details, things have improved in some ways, off in others. The nausea is pretty much gone. But the diarrhea has increased again, so I stopped taking the Xeloda (oral chemo) until that's under better control. Probably I will restart it in a couple days, when I can get my toilet sessions down to 8 @ day. Imagine that; or not; it's exhausting! I do get tired, but then I often awake without alarms after 6 hours sleep, so not surprising I might be tired. I haven't been taking many naps because there is so much I want to do.

For example, this past week, I went to 4 yoga classes. After class, I had tea and chatted with some of the other students, my friends. Tuesday, we walked down to the Central Library to hear a Buddhist monk explain about mandalas and the mandala that a group of monks from Tibet (I think) are going to make, using colored sand and deep spiritual meaning. On the way, we ate at food carts, sampling the available world fare. That day I didn't last long and needed to get home to nap. In the afternoon, my sister-in-law Ingrid came for a visit, and we had Billy over for dinner, so the nap was short. I don't remember what happened Wednesday; a lot of shopping errands I think. One day in there I did some deadheading and weeding, nurturing activities for me. Probably that was Wednesday before I had my nails done in the afternoon. Thursday I joined some old (as in long ago) friends from my Early Bird running days for a walk. Dick Anderson, Roger and Linda Jensen, Sheryl Fuller, Ron Gotcher, and I, took a rather short and direct route to Starbucks on NW 23rd and back. There was a day when we all ran on a Hood-to-Coast Team, a 12-person relay from Timberline Lodge at Mt Hood to the coast, first to Pacific City, and later years to Seaside. In the afternoon, Leslie and I sat down and planned the menu, and shopping and to do lists, for the tea we are having tomorrow, here. Thursday night, we went to Artists' Repertory Theatre to usher, but were released to come home to an early bedtime when we saw that they had more than enough ushers. Friday during yoga, I had another esophageal spasm, #9 on the pain scale, for 25 minutes. It finally completely relaxed after about 45 minutes. If you have never had this, let me say it feels like a heart attack, some say worse than a heart attack. I had had this happen about a month ago while in the Japanese Garden with Joanne. Then, we called for an ambulance, and after several tests, heart attack was conclusively ruled out. Friday, I had not yet filled my prescription for nitroglycerin so I had no remedy but to relax and wait. The yoga room with supportive friends and teacher was the best place for me. Thank you to Delores and Nick who drove me to the pharmacy and home. After a nap and food, I went to my mother's home to visit and repair jewelry. Ben came too and we stayed for dinner. That brings us to today. I awoke early so went to the 7 AM class, expecting all day to nap, but it's 6 PM and still no nap. I think I will lie down a bit anyway. Later we need to buy tart pans and place mats at Bed Bath and Beyond so I can start preparing food for the tea tomorrow. Leslie is busy shopping and cooking as well.

Did I say I have the world's best husband? He has been so supportive through all this medical/life crisis. He is always my back up, often my first, driver to appointments. He knows how to help and when to back off, which is important with an independently minded woman like me. At home, he has finished all the wood window interiors, some doors, and the wall bed, made cabinets and counters out of beautiful woods for the two bathrooms, made the shower stall pan (no small feat), painted, and done all the yard work. Oh my gosh! I used to be the gardener and now I just dabble, but he was out there in 100 degree heat today mowing, edging, and weeding so the yard would look beautiful for the tea. He has also taken full responsibility for our puppy Jack. So he's a busy guy. We can laugh and cry together, talk and just be still. Sorry girls, but I got the best one.

I think I will lie down now for a brief nap, although I am a bit hungry. Darn. A lot left to do tonight. Tomorrow Leslie is coming over at 8 AM so we can assemble all the sandwiches and tarts and get everything in order. Stay tuned for a review of the tea.

About Angels and About Trees, M. Oliver

Lani, wonderful yoga teacher, reads to us words of inspiration at the beginning of each class. I  loved this one written by poet mary Oliver.

About Angels and About Trees

Where do angels
        fly in the firmament,
and how many can dance
        on the head of a pin?

Well, I don't care
        about that pin dance,
what I know is that
        they rest, sometimes,
in the tops of the trees

  and you can see them,
        or almost see them,
or, anyway, think: what a
        wonderful idea.

I have lost as you and
        others have possibly lost a
beloved one,
        and wonder, where are they now?

The trees, anyway, are
        miraculous, full of
angels (ideas);even
        empty they are a
good place to look, to put
        the heart at rest--all those
leaves breathing the air, so


peaceful and diligent, and certainly
        ready to be
the resting place of
        strange, winged creatures
that we, in this world, have loved.

Sand Island Anniversary Sail

Five years ago, Ben and I sailed downriver to Sand Island, across from St. Helen's, for our honeymoon. We had such a fine time, we have repeated the voyage each year, with the exception of last year, when I was first diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I am thinking the timing of this trip right after chemo was not a good idea. I plan to lie low the first few days after my future infusions.

Few people are at the island this year, unlike previous years, and it is rather cold. The blackberries are barely on the vines, let alone ripe for the picking, so no wild blackberry cobbler this year. Here are a few photos of our outing.

Ben and Jack Sunday morning

Walking the bridge to the island.

Sand Island is flat and grassy with groves of cottonwoods and blackberries.

Tug approaching up the Columbia.

Milagro

Medical Update: All things considered, I am doing well. I have certainly seen others faring far worse. That being said, I don't feel so good. Thursday I had a catheport installed below my left collar bone. That procedure was uneventful and has turned out to be a good descision, but that was a whole day procedure that left me drugged and tired the rest of the day. The infusion on Friday was easy. The nurse just poked the IV, or whatever tube it was, through the thin diaphragm of skin, connecting with a major vein in my chest that goes to my heart. All future blood draws and IVs will use this port. No more poking my veins, which had become tough and rolled when the nurses would try to place the needles. I felt surprisingly good all day Friday with high hopes of going to an art opening of a friend at 6 and niece Moriah's show at 8 at Hawthorne Theatre, but I hit the wall: severe abdominal cramping, diarrhea, vomiting, chills. I was so bummed to not hear Moriah perform her music she has written, again. By about 10, I was coming round and invited Moriah and HER Billy to stop by for an introduction. Jane and Gary and MY Billy came as well, and we had a pleasant visit. Saturday, the chemo hit me and since then, I have felt fluish, with the usual symptoms, magnified by the oscillating of the sailboat we have been on since Saturday evening. I suspect that this will pass as it did three weeks before, after a few more days. But this leads me to decide against the yoga workshop scheduled the day after my next chemo appointment.

Dinner Break

In Cannon Beach, we made a memorial for Rascal. The red 

rose is for him

Ben and I just celebrated our 59th and 61st birthdays. Here are a few shots of the celebrations.

Night Cap

Leslie and Ken Dale and Jesse and Maryanne Smith met us in Cannon Beach for ice cream at Osburn's. Yummy Mountain Blackberry in a cone.

This note from the yoga teacher in Tolovana, for those of you  who may be interested in attending the workshop August 28-29 with me:
I'm attaching a link to the Katrina Repka workshop that I'm hosting.   
Please let me know if you have any questions.
http://www.cannonbeachyogaarts.com/workshops/detail/? 
id=67e6223c8e3cc9a26fc8bd4187f05e7d

Namaste,
Christen
CannonBeachYogaArts
http://www.cannonbeachyogaarts.com