Pamela passed away quietly and gently last night at 9:45. I only hope I can face the coming days with as much grace, courage and strength as she has shown us for the past 14 months. I have never known such sorrow.
Memorial service is planned for sometime in the future when Dave, Pia and their soon to be newborn can attend.
I will post updates on that as they take shape.
All my best,
Ben

Pam's condition continued to worsen since her last post and into the weekend. I called the ambulance Sunday. She has been at St. Vincents CCU ward, where she recieved 4 units of blood, many litres of fluids, platelettes, Vitamin K. and other necessities, She was severely dehydrated , suffered kidney damage and intestinal bleeding. The staff and Doc's did a great job in stabilizing her to prevent anymore serious bleeding from her gut. Her Kidneys are working though damaged.

We came home today under a Hospice plan. The medical team has done all they can. She is set up in the living room and quite happy to be home. All our boys are here and we are making it as safe, comfortable and pain free as possible for her these last few days.
I apologize if I seem blunt, it is the only way I can continue to type these words.
Visitors are kept to family members, unless Pam indicates otherwise.
Please know that she loves you all. I will gladly pass on to her any words you may have. When I can find the time I will post updates.
Ben

Frankly not feeling so good

Tuesday, Wed, and now today, I have been overwhelmed with exhaustion. I have had to cancel appointments, and today I decided to cancel my trip to California. How disappointing. I have no appetite, which is not good for a 91# adult. I am falling asleep as I write so this will be brief.
Gratitudes:
Yesterday for,
- a visit from my friend Leslie who came with raspberries and jam;
- my friend and contractor Wally who has been here making more of the house beautiful;
- Mom who brought me hugs and maps to plan our CO trip.
Today for,
- always my husband for caring and taking care of me;
- my friends for being so understanding;
- my medical team for their compassionate care.
The new blue gray hall and the rust colored bathroom are a huge improvement and make me smile.
Take care, take good care everyone.
Pamela

Good news

Good news came in the mail. The oncologist repeated that he was pleased that the CT scan showed no growth of the tumor. But the best news was that the cancer marker they follow in my blood dropped nearly 50%. It is still high up there but the decrease was a strong indication that the chemo is doing the job to stop the progress of the cancer. Wish my body felt better, but there is always tomorrow. Today was tough. I awoke exhausted so I did't go to yoga. Then I had another esophageal spasm. That wiped me out. I napped and took it very easy all day. Ben was here 1/2 the day and is here now making dinner and scanning old snapshots so I can make photo books. Jack was beside himself waiting for me to finish patching up his teddy so he could have him back to alternately thrash and snuggle.
That's enough for now.

We're home. I am grateful for my home, for the ability to make the improvements we have been making recently, and for Ben's skill in doing so much of the fine work. Today a glass company is installing glass tub/shower doors with the right brushed nickle hardware we had requested.  A little snafu with that last week. I had hoped to come home to newly painted bathroom and hall, but looks like that will be a few days.

I have been exhausted the last couple days. Billy thinks it may be dehydration so I plan to phone the dr soon. Somehow I will sit through a manicure this  afternoon. We'll see.

Here are some photo highlights of the past week.

Saturdays gratitudes:

- family again, this time my cousins Claudia and Lynette, their families, and Aunt Doris

- to see that even at 91#, I can still walk from the house to the water's edge and back, sometimes down the beach a ways as well

- textile art

Today Debbie and I visited the Latimer Quilt and Textile Center in Tillamook on our way home to Portland for my uncle's memorial dinner. I was even more delighted than I had thought I might be with the center. It offers classes in all forms of textile art and more: weaving, spinning wool. knitting, crochet, quilting, bead work, etc. The center artists and staff developed a quilt block trail through the Tillamook region, the first on the west coast. (Apparently there are several in the eastern states). The center houses permanent exhibits of various textiles, such as quilt tops made from the depression era flour sack fabrics. There are also many artisan items made by local textile artists for sale, which I supported well today. I think I will join the center and plan to attend some of the classes even though it is over an hour drive each way. Anyone interested in joining me, say, for Friday weaving classes? It would help if we knew of a house where we could spend Friday nights so the drive wouldn't be so taxing. I'll look into it.

Well, Ben is snoring and we are rising early tomorrow so I will sign off.

Pamela

Thursday was a fantastic day. The morning haze burned off and the sun was brilliant. We have been enjoying lots of talk. Last night was especially enjoyable, the three of us sibs recounting various memories, with interesting variations from our separate memories. Funny. And it was fun listening to the three men talk cars. They know so much and are so into it. My current knitting project, a vest made of beautiful Tibetan silk, is coming along.
Thursday's gratitudes:
- siblings, their wisdom, memories, and love
- warm sand between your toes
- brilliant sunsets
Friday's gratitudes:
It's still early, but this morning I would say,
- yoga community (I have been taking classes in PC this week)
- waking up to sun
- Grateful Bread bakery biscuits and cookies
Photos later.

It's Wednesday already. Tuesday was grey and wet. We spent a long while in town at the Stimulus internet cafe, where we are again today. Today I feel shadows and the suggestion of sunshine and blue sky emerging. We will stroll the sand to the cape when we tire of our internet connecting. I have been working on photo albums, starting prep at the beach house then coming here to connect and upload photos to Shutterfly. You know how I can obsess about things and this is a good example. I do so want to put together a variety of photo books from all the experiences I have had this year.

Last night Zac arrived from Portland, and tonight Kathy, Tom, and Mick will arrive. The house will change from slow and quiet to a bit of friendly, family noise, I expect. Not to sound judgmental, few talkers can top my sister Kathy and brother Mick. The house will be abuzz with talk and laughter.

Gratitudes
Yesterday I would have said, I am grateful for:
- a healthy appetite and good cooking;
- Ben's patience and ability to just be still with me;
- the love of our puppy Jack.
Today, I am grateful for:
- the sun trying to shine;
- my body trying to hold me up;
- the taste of a good latte and cinnamon roll.

Here is a picture of health. Our dear friend Gordon looks at least 10 years younger and strong now that he enjoys a new liver. Isn't he cute. The other handsome one is my Ben.