Norfolk terrier pups, born December 8th, at 1 week old

A week has past. Mid-week I had dropped a couple more pounds, discouraging, but yesterday I was back up to a whopping 103#. Maybe I have stopped dropping. That would be nice. I am eating all the time, really I am. Even in the middle of the night if I wake up early. I saw the surgeon and the oncologist last week. Today I will see the GI doctor. Some concern over these 7 weeks of diarrhea, but we have ruled out infections. All my blood work is good. The oncologist seemed pleasantly surprised, above average it seems. The GI doctor may have more info and advice today. We have a tentative start date for chemo, Wednesday 1/6. Most likely the sessions will continue on Wednesdays, 3 in a row with the 4th Wed off, for 3 months. Not too bad. I will be asking for rides to and from the treatments, looking forward to reading or knitting by myself during the treatments.

Ben put a hefty deposit on one of the Norfolk terriers I mentioned last week, a unilateral decision I would like to add. Seems this will be his dog. He plans to take him to work each day. Hopefully I'll get to know him in the evenings and weekends! If you're interested, you can Google Jackpot Kennels in Junction City, OR. Look for new puppies available for adoption. They are cute.

I just talked to Billy in Sweden this morning. He finished his work there and will have a free day in Orebro tomorrow. Wednesday he will fly from Stockholm to amsterdam, play in Amsterdam a day, then fly non-stop to Portland on Thursday. David and Pia are flying into Portland Tuesday night. We are looking forward to being with them and Zac for Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

Pamela

SOPHIE

Nothing much new to report here. As far as medical news, I continue to lose weight, now a whopping 103#, but I continue to have a big appetite and enough energy. Without the insulation on my body, or in our house walls, I have a hard time staying warm on these cold days. Wearing many layers of clothing helps, and I now have a new selection of long underwear, turtle necks, and fleece to choose from. I have been going to yoga for two weeks, and each time I can do a little more, stretch a little farther. It's good to be back among my friends in the yoga community. My walks have become a little longer, close to what I was doing before but not as fast-paced. Even on these cold days, it feels good to get the heart rate up and breathe the fresh air. My friend Leslie has provided me a new dog friend, Sophie, who joins us on most of our walks in the hills.

On that topic, Ben is becoming serious about getting a dog. We are considering one of a new litter of Norfolk (I think) terriers from Junction City. They will be ready to adopt in February, so we are thinking of an excursion there to learn more about this breed. If all works out, we could pick up our puppy in February on our way home from a visit to Billy who will be in Gold Beach doing a rural rotation. He will have room in his apartment there and has invited us to stay a week. We loved that area of southern Oregon coast when we were there in October and can't wait to return.

Last Thursday, Zac joined us to get our Christmas tree on a farm off Helvetia Road. We have been slow to get up the decorations, but it's on my list for today, along with making gingerbread men cookies. At 11:00 AM, I am still in my jammies, puttering around the house doing email and chores, and eating. Better get with it so I will be ready for a 1:00 walk with Leslie. I hope we will also go to the gift store and gallery at the School of Arts and Crafts.

These year seems particularly festive to me. I am enjoying the mood and looking forward to having all three sons and Pia here soon to celebrate Christmas.

Hope all is well with each of you reading this.

Pamela

I had my first post-operative appointment with the surgeon today, and I feel like a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders. First of all, I learned that he did not have to remove any of my stomach. (Immediately my stomach felt better to know that!) He was very pleased with my progress so far, 4 weeks post-op. When explaining about the chemotherapy they are recommending, he said that I had responded very well to the first rounds of chemo. The evidence was that the tumor had shrunk from 4 cm (measured on the 1st CT) to 8 mm at surgery. He said my response to the chemo (and radiation I assume) was in the top 5% of patients. The reason to repeat the chemo after surgery is that statistics show that those who do have the chemo live longer than those who don't and that most patients have some cancer cells floating in them somewhere after surgery. I'm not too worried about the chemo as it wasn't that hard on my body before (as far as I could tell), and it will be the same chemical, although stronger. We'll know more about the chemo plan after I see the oncologist on 12/18. The best news I heard today was that 20% of patients surviving the surgery have no recurrence of the cancer. I didn't think that was possible. Needless to say, I am aiming to be among that 20%, and we believe it is reasonable to believe I could be. Now I need my body to start processing the food I eat better so I can stop losing weight and begin putting the pounds back on. I have lost 15# since the surgery 4 weeks ago, and it's not pretty. I'm 30# lighter than I was when I was paddling outrigger and very fit. I was never this thin even in high school when I admired the model Twiggy and counted calories like a maniac. I trust that pretty soon my body will be back to normal and that eventually I will not have a problem gaining weight.

It's a beautiful sunny, cold day here in Portland. Pretty soon I will talk to my friend Wally about the bathroom remodel we're planning in January. After that, I hope to talk Ben into a brisk walk in the sun.

Take care.

Pamela

I can't believe it is December, although the crisp cool air is convincing. Saturday night, Ben and I went on our first 'date' since surgery, downtown to see a movie. All the sidewalk trees were lit with white lights and the big Christmas tree was lit in Pioneer Square. It was quite festive.

My belly is gradually shrinking back to it's prior size, and thanks to the low-rider style of my pants, I can now where much of my regular clothing. My walks have become longer, up to 1/2 hour. One late afternoon, we walked with David, Pia, and Zac along the esplanade beside the Willamette River downtown, stopping for hot drinks at a little cafe. Yesterday Leslie and I did one of our usual shorter walks up to Council Crest Park and past my old house and back to her house. I am most pleased that I have been able to resume my yoga classes. Life is beginning to take on some familiar regularity.

Billy has phoned us from Sweden. Sounds like Patrik and the family have many fun activities planned: ski trip, dinner in a Castle, sporting events, tour of Stockholm. We hope to speak to him again soon to find out how his rotation in the hospital is going. It was to have started yesterday.

The photos above were taken on a walk on Council Crest when David visited prior to the surgery.

Take care,

Pamela

I have been out of the hospital one week now, 2 weeks post surgery. The doctor at my appointment today was very pleased with my progress. The edema is gone so I can fit into my shoes more comfortably and see my ankle bones. I have been walking 2-3 times a day, not very far each time. My longest walk has been approximately 9 blocks round trip, but the fresh air feels great. Various friends have been visiting and bringing me soup and flowers and their good company, which I have enjoyed immensely. I essentially have no pain, so my primary 'medical' focus is to eat and process food. I have never felt so physical in my life. I'll spare you all the graphic gastrointestinal details but it is quite amazing listening to the eruptions and rumblings within my gut. Food is more and more appealing to me and I can't wait to be able to eat what I would call a normal meal comfortably. At least I WILL be able to eat portions of the Thanksgiving meal we plan to have here with 2 of our 3 sons. Billy will be in Sweden starting a one month internal medicine rotation thanks to Pia's family connections. David and Pia will be here with Zac and Ben and I.

As if we didn't already have a lot to deal with now, our dishwasher and clothes washer have broken down. As I type, Ben is making the modifications needed to hook up our new dishwasher. He chose some Swedish model that sounds promising. We are hoping to limp by a little longer with the clothes washer, as we would rather not spend more money right now on a new washer. Yikes!

I will probably not be writing any more often than once a week from now on, unless we have some unexpected developments. Phone or email if you want to connect.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Pamela

Hi dear friends and family - I can't fully express how much all of your expressions of support and caring have helped Ben and me these past several days. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It feels good to be in our home. Today the changing weather was envigorating. I got out for a couple short walks and sat on my front porch a while soaking up the fresh air, something I missed at the hospital. It seems I won't really need much care at home, but I will enjoy visits from the people scheduled to come help. I am also enjoying phone calls. Feel free to call me on my cell phone, which I will turn off if resting. The challenge now is eating and processing food and the buildup of extra fluids in my body. Walking helps so I am attempting to keep up what I started in the hospital. You might be amused by my current odd figure (like a 5 month pregnant woman) but I won't post that. Again, thank you for your caring.

Love,

Pamela

Good News!

The biopsy report came back today on the lymph nodes. Out of a dozen or more that were removed only one came back with cancer cells. Since all were removed from the area with clear margins This is really good news. The doctors were very pleased.

She will be leaving Providence tomorrow to go home.
Ben

Nov. 09. 09

Pam has had a couple of rough days. The transition from I.V. meds to pills has been a challenge. I was with her this morning and is doing much better. Perky and walking a lot, we have been timing the laps on the 7th. floor hallways, keeps getting faster.
She continues to take less and less pain meds which is good news. Eating has caused discomfort as the surgery put her system on hold for a bit, but now her appetite is starting to improve and is eating small amounts of yogurt, cream of wheat etc.. I'm taking some of her split pea soup up to her today.
All in all she is still up there in the 10% group. The doctors have said the recovery time is 6-8 weeks, this is only day 6, something we must keep in mind.
This is no cakewalk.
Some of you know how extensive the surgery was, for those who don't:
Removed half her stomach, the gall bladder, the duodenum, 70% of the Pancreas, all the tumor plus multiple lymph nodes leaving clear margins in the surrounding areas.
So now you know. There is no reason to ask Pam what they removed, it is anxiety provoking for her to discuss the extent of the surgery, so please don't ask her about it. We are of course glad the cancer has been removed.
Our energies now are focused on her recovery. Hopefully she will be home by Wednesday the 11th.
I so much admire her for the strength and courage she has shown through this. She is the Love of my life.
All the flowers and cards are displayed on the counter of her room. Thank you all so much!

Another topic: Before all of this came to pass. In July of this year My brother in law Bill Hood and I left Astoria Or. headed north to Vancouver Island and the San Juans in my Cape Dory 30 sailboat. Pam joined me on the trip down the Columbia to Astoria.
We made the passage offshore to Neah Bay Wa. in 32 hours. The Ocean is an incredible thing, a very humbling experience. The expanse, beauty and stars are something to behold.
We then ventured to Victoria and into the San Juans. Trip was cut short with the diagnosis. Videos: The first about halfway up the coast 12 miles out. Second a stunning sunset. The third just north of San Juan island on way to Orcas Island.
The plan was for Pam to join me for a week or two, pretending we were both retired! Next year for sure!
Ben

Update 11.06.09

The doctors are saying that Pam may be discharged as early as this Monday the 9 th.!

She is eating, walking, ordering me around and generally feeling much better. Today she spent very little time in bed, just a short nap in the afternoon.

Although tonight she has hit the wall from all the activity today.

The doctors have given her the (sort of ) full menu option, its cream of wheat cereal for dinner Apple sauce for desert.

A word from Pam:



While the possibility of going home soon and being off my very effective drugs is good news, it is also a little daunting. I only just got up and going much today. I am very grateful that many of you will be coming over the first 2 weeks I'm home. Now I am thinking it may mean helping me through a morning bathing and having a cup of tea with me. In the late morning to PM we could try a short neighborhood walk, soup, and then I will probably be OK on my own while I nap and wait for Ben to get home. We'll see how it goes.



We are looking forward to seeing you all. We will keep visits short and if there is any chance of a cold or bug of any kind, please, let's reschedule.

Today when Jeni, the nurse walked into the room, she looked at the flowers and cards and the sunlight coming in the west window and said there was such a nice energy in the room. I think it's the love you have all been sending. Thanks so much.
Love,
Pamela

Nov. 05 Update

Pam was up today for two walks down the hallway and back. I could actually keep up with her. I'm sure the pace will quicken as in those dreaded west hills hill climbs she is so fond of taking.

The Doctors are very pleased and impressed with her progress. They have rated her in the top 10% of rapid recoveries. So that competitive spirit is doing quite well thank you. She is ahead of 90% of the other patients that have had the same procedure.

All the staff here are caring, professional and friendly...I overheard Billy and Zac whispering about some attractive nurse the other day. Everyone here is appreciated in a variety of ways apparently.
Pam wants to say something, I'm now her secretary. Pam is going to write this:

Hi everyone - I appreciate all the cards and flowers I have received. They have made my room cheerier. This place is actually quite posh: large single room with a view of the west hills, about 4 service providers, private sponge baths, fresh ice cubes, leg massagers, escorts for evening strolls and good drugs. I've enjoyed twice daily lengthy husband visits, not exactly conjugal. Zac and Billy and my mother and stepfather are frequent visitors. I do miss visits from my dear sisters and friends. You can call me for short phone calls on my cell phone, not my h9ospitall phone. That way I can turn my phone off when I am sleeping, and avoid falling out of my bed startled which I nearly did today.
Time to adjust my automatic leg massagers and go to bed.
Good night all, Love Pamela.

From Ben: Please keep the phone calls to 5 minutes or less.
I will be updating the blog everynight about this time.

Pam, is pleased that she feels as perky as she does the day after such a major surgery, the pain is manageable.
She is Much more alert now that the ansthetic has worn off. Forgive my spelling! if I make errors.
Lots of flowers and good wishes have arrived, thank you all.
I must remind folks that visitors are limited to just immediate family,( that is myself, David, Billy, Zac and Betty, even if it is just to deliver flowers. We are washing throughly before entering her room. These precautions have been established by Providence to protect their patients from outside infections, mainly H1N1 so please respect this rule.
I know a lot of you are anxious to see her. The opportunity will come after she is home for a while.
Not to hammer away at this but if you have any kind of sniffle, cough or any sign of not feeling 100% well, please refrain from coming into our home to visit. It will put me in a position of not allowing you to enter. I expect you to police yourself, no exceptions...
I want Pam to have every opportunity for a fast recovery as I know you all do.
We have pump hand sanitizers to wash with as you come in at the front door, please remember to use it.

Moving on: Pam was up out of bed and on her feet this morning for a sponge bath, I'm here posting this, Betty (Mom) will be coming by around 2:30 today to she her for the first time since before surgery.
Things look really good for a fast recovery.
Thank you all Ben

Surgery update

We just had the consult with Dr. Hansen. The surgery was successfull! Pam did very well with little blood loss. Procedure was 9 hours.
I will post more details later, I'm emotionally exhausted right now. I will see her in about two hours after she is out of recovery.
More information tomorrow.
All the best Ben

golden gingko leaves on Council Crest Drive

Ben and David by scarlet ivy covering a house off Council crest

Pam enjoying the croquet game (I won, again!)

late afternoon croquet, Pam and Billy

Zac on the winning kickball team

The past 2 weeks have been full with seeing friends and family, finishing home projects, making and freezing batches of soup, and getting ready for surgery and recovery the best I can. The photos capture some of our family activities of the last couple days. Zac's kickball team came in first in their division after an exciting final game Sunday. Billy found a couple hours between rotations to play croquet in our backyard. I came from behind to beat him and Ben. Sunday night, David flew in from Colorado. Today we slept in then hung out around home visiting. Billy dropped by between rotations again for a meal and another round of croquet. Our new lawn made for a nice course. Later David, Ben and I went for a late afternoon walk in the Council Crest neighborhood, enjoying the low sun and the fall colors. Tonight Zac will drop by after classes for a visit before we all go to bed. We will be up early tomorrow to be at the hospital by 6AM. Surgery is scheduled for 8AM. Mom will join Ben and David at the hospital, with Zac and Billy coming between classes and work. My sisters will come by also. With their love and vigilence and the love of my extended family and dear friends, I feel well supported. I can't say I am looking forward to the surgery, but I am grateful that surgery is an option, and I am hopeful that the skillful medical team and the resilience of my otherwise-healthy body will assure a successful surgery and strong recovery. Ben will keep you posted. Thanks for all of your well wishes and prayers.

Medical update: Ben and I met with the oncologist, Todd Crocenzi, today to hear the results of yesterday's CT scan. He said there didn't appear to be any substantial reduction of the tumor, but there also was no evidence of the cancer having metastisized. So it's a GO for surgery on 11/3. We have 2 more weeks to feel good, play, and get things done before I am laid up from surgery. I may not have mentioned earlier that this is a major surgery, expected to last 5-8 hours. I will be in the hospital at least a week, followed by 6-8 weeks of recovery. The medical team is all hopeful that I will have an easier time than most during the recovery as I have maintained good health and stamina. I am hoping to be able to eat Thanksgiving dinner with our three sons.

As Ben said in the last post, we now have a beautiful back yard. I am so thrilled, especially with the undulating stone wall and the new circle area on the west side of the yard. I hope we will have some more dry days when we can sit out there and enjoy it. Thank you Bennie!

Our new garden

We have been sitting on a landscape design for our home that Michael Schultz drew up for us a year ago, a landscape designer that I have worked closely with for the past 15 years.

After returning from the Redwoods we decided it was time dig into the back yard (the plan calls for a complete redo of the front and back). No more Cobbler syndrome.

The irrigation was completely revamped adding three new valves to cover all the new plantings, the drainage system extended 150 feet, no more bogs (fingers crossed). 40 yards of very good soils behind the new retainer wall and extended planting areas. New garden, new look... Very exciting, now we have a garden/landscape that is as nice as my clients.

You may remember the old back yard, other than the great perennials Pam had planted above that ugly cinder block wall, the arbor and slate patio I had made years ago, it had much to be desired. Needless to say we have no intention of ever moving!

We have saved a lot of the best perennials at my shop so if anyone wants them please let us know.

Pia becoming a US citizen

The family at Bremer's farm

An old fashioned hay ride

As you can see in the photo, our family news is that Pia is now a citizen of the USA, as well as Sweden. Congratulations, Pia!

David and Pia came to Portland last Thursday for an extended weekend visit. Great to get to see them so often this fall. They will also return for Thanksgiving this year. Yeah! Being concerned that my digestive system may not be ready for a turkey dinner by then, and given that Billy will be in Sweden, we had an early Thanksgiving meal. Mom and Duane joined David, Pia, Zac, Billy, Ben and me for bbq turkey and some of the usual fixings, topped off by mom's apple pie. Yum! I am pleased to announce that I now have the appetite, and not the nausea, so that I can eat a decent meal again.

Usually, I go to the pumpkin patch with David and Pia in Boulder, and to Fir Point with Zac and Billy in Canby, so this year we all went to our Bremer cousins' farm for a hay ride to the pumpkin patch. Best pumpkins ever! Had to stop at Fir Point as well for the freshly made cinnamon donuts and the unlit hay bale maze.

No medical news, except that I feel great and am getting a lot of projects done before surgery, which will probably happen the last week of October. We'll know more after the CT scan on 10/19, and we'll share the info by the end of next week. In the meantime, I hope you all are well and enjoying life.

We have returned to Portland. Good to sleep in our own bed, but I do miss the roar of the ocean. We fell in love with Bandon by-the-sea, Oregon, where we spent the last three days of our trip. As you can see in the pictures, there were many large rocks and sea stacks and miles of beach to explore. At low tide, we bent our necks scanning the small pebbles for hearts and other keepers. The town was quaint with good food and friendly people. I understand sunshine is the norm there. We plan to return for some winter get away.

No medical news. I feel good, good enough to work in my flower garden today and to go dancing with the Garland Ladies tonight. Just need to remember to take a nap tomorrow.

Later...

The Redwoods

Pam in Stout Grove

200 feet down in Oregon Caves Pam's cap

The view from our window

Ben between the trees

I saw the Redwoods for the first time in 1974, several lifetimes ago, I was young and impressionable: it had nothing to do with the mushrooms I had consumed earlier that morning for breakfast.

Today I ventured back into that same forest with Pam by my side, senses tingling, as wide eyed as that first trip.

If you have not seen them at all or like me, waiting until many years later to come see them again, the sound of the groves is a silence filled with sensations, pulsing with such primal life that they should not to be missed.

Anyway here are a few shots of the Redwoods, the Oregon Caves and the lighthouse just outside our room at Crescent City.

With the last week of chemo complete, and just one more day of radiation, Ben and I plan to beat cleats to southern Oregon and northern California in search of the biggest, oldest trees on earth. We leave around noon Monday, tomorrow, and return in a week on Tuesday. After exploring the redwoods for a few days, we plan to drive north into southern Oregon to Brookings and Bandon and stay in the sunshine and salt air a few days before returning. Send on any travel advice for those areas.

While we are gone, Chris will be painting in our house, so we can avoid the noxious fumes and strained necks and shoulders involved in painting ceilings. Hopefully the tools Chris needs to conduct some diagnostic work on the moisture in our walls will arrive soon so we can proceed with cleaning up the two extra bedrooms. The longer range plan is to remove the carpet and refinish the wood floor, as well as put up knotty pine paneling and a Murphy bed in what was Billy's room, also known as my new sewing room. I fear Ben and I will be in hot negotiation as to the primary use of the remodeled room. I think he envisions his office, while I see a part time guest room and sewing room. After all there still is the other room that would be fine for an office, which would be a second office for him, after all. Follow my line of argument? We usually seem to resolve these blips with relative ease, but I would appreciate any biased opinions supporting my cause. Another project afoot is a remodel of our little shower/bathroom. Wally is doing the work, primarily tile and glass shower enclosure, with hand thrown ceramic sink. Ben will make a beautiful oiled rosewood counter top. Can't wait for a new, clean bathroom. Hopefully all these projects will be done before David and Pia return this way for Thanksgiving vacation. And maybe I will get a chance to sew the bedroom curtains I started a year ago. We'll see how well I can sit up to a sewing machine.

Medical Preview: A CT scan of the pancreas will take place M 10/19, doctors appointments the following few days, and HOPEFULLY surgery will be the option and will be scheduled by the end of October. Please direct your prayers and energies for the successful surgery option. All your positive energies, thoughts, and prayers are making a difference in how I feel about all this. You are all doing so much for me and for Ben. Thanks to each of you. Love to all, Pamela

What a beautiful day for the advent of fall, the Autumnal Equinox. It inspires me to share my evolving world philosophy. Friday in my kundalini yoga class, teacher Bill referred to the Age of Aquarius. Being a child of the Hair generation, I was curious and Googled the topic. Apparently there is disagreement among astrologers as to the actual time of the Age of Aquarius, but many believe that each astrological age, determined by the alignment of stars and planets, occurs every 2000 years, and that the "dawn" of the Age of Aquarius coincides roughly with the beginning of this millenium. According to Jude Currivan, PHD [www.judecurrivan.com], "At dawn on 14th February [2009] the Cosmos actually embodie[d] this perfect alignment to support our collective manifestation of love and peace and dawning of the Age of Aquarius." Vera Reid (astrologer) said, "The destiny of humankind in the Age of Aquarius is the revelation of truth and the expansion of consciousness." [Vera W Reid, Towards Aquarius, 1971] According to Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi [www.adishakti.org/age_of_aquarius.htm] we are already experiencing a revival of spirit among the new generation." The Age of Aquarius will be a time when "everything becomes unified. All our differences, all our dualities mix together like the fragrances of a flower shop...Our individual worth comes from inside, from what we have inside, through our development, our evolution, and what we can give to society...This is the era of peace, of unity, of love."

In the words of the song from Hair, "When the Moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars." I want to believe this.

Medical update: Last week I was able to get both chemo treatments. I continue to feel great if just a little tired. Next week is my last week. Yeah!

This is the truck photo I referred to in the last post but apparently had forgotten to upload, truck circa 1953.

Sunday Ben and I drove to the Bremer farm and surprised Uncle Warren, Darlene, Randy , and Jeanie with a visit. We explored around the barn where I have memories of childhood visits. The truck in the picture could be the one my cousins talked me into driving at age 11 (?) while they were loading hay bales so we could get done with the chores and ride the horses to the creek for a swim. My driving lasted about 10 seconds as I had no clue how to even steer a vehicle let alone operate the clutch or brakes! It was great to see the family. Afterwards we drove to the Swan Island Dahlia Farm and checked off 27 varieties we are considering adding to the garden. Obviously we will need to pare the number down. What a feast for the eyes. The sunrise photo was my view this morning, Tuesday, from my front porch. Such a spiritual time, the dawn. Reminds me of my dad who loved to watch the sunrise too. Oh, the haircut is new, as of last night. Like it? Makes me feel girlish.

Medical update: Although my blood counts were still down, they had improved slightly and enough that I was able to get chemo today, after which I devoured a burger at Stanich's.

Take care all.

Love, Pamela

Sunday morning, another beautiful morning!

Friday I awoke before dawn, before my alarm, eager to start another day. I had missed a week of yoga classes and my yoga community of friends. As Ben drove me in to the MAC, I inhaled the cool breeze fluttering through the open windows and sun roof of his sporty Porche. I felt quite alive and vibrant with the possibilities the day seemed to hold.

I have been soaking up these crisp and bright late-summer mornings with a thirst for living. Although I have strong and high hopes for continuing to live, I also feel an urgency to live life to the max, something that concerns my husband, and occasionally me, because it is hard to stay in bed and just sleep. Last night was another night when thoughts kept racing through my head of all I wanted to do, make and see, all the books I wanted to finish reading (stacked high beside my bed), all the people I wanted to connect with again and again, and all the places I wanted to explore by land, rail, and air.

I have plans, big plans. In a month we will drive south to stroll among and ponder the ancient redwoods and linger along the warm southern Oregon coast. After my surgery in October or November, David and Pia will join us for Thanksgiving, and I will be able to eat turkey, cranberries, sweet yams, and pumpkin pie! In the spring we will drive to Colorado making a loop through Idaho (Tonya), Utah (Arches National Park), Colorador (the Rockies and Dave and Pia), Montana (Glacier National Park), and maybe Wyoming (Alex and Yellowstone National Park). In spring 2011, we (hopefully this includes a happily sedated Ben) will fly to Europe with Billy (celebrating the end of 4 years of medical school), starting in Greece and Italy then looping north via the mountains in Germany and Austria, Moldova, Czech Republic, connecting with Joyce somewhere, and joining David and Pia in Sweden. (I know I need to consult a few people, as well as a map, so no one be alarmed that I haven't asked for your opinion to be included in my travel plans!)

As you can see I am spending a lot of sleeping energy with my planning and dreaming. Early this morning (12 - 2) I sat at my computer making yet another photo book, inspired by something Bill had said Friday in yoga: Life is a mystery to be discovered, not a problem to be solved. Saturday after Kimi's class I bought some of the books she had suggested for 'creating a personal spiritual life': wonderful writings by Rumi, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Lama Surya Das, which ring true for me.

Today we are driving up the Willamette Valley to Bremer's Corner for a surprise visit with cousins, who will hopefully be there, not still in church. Then we plan to soak up the beauty of the Swan Island Dahlia Farm, selecting some bulbs for next spring planting, and visit the Oregon Garden, returning via the old ferry across the Willamette and home: a Sunday family drive from 'back in the day' like we would have done with Mom and Dad or with Grandpa and Grandma Wood.

Well if I don't end this soon, my husband may give up on me ever being ready to leave.

Medical update:

Still no chemo last Friday because the WBC and neutrophils (baby whites) are too low. So PLEASE consider that my resistance to infection is very low and it would be risky for me to be with any of you if you have the least indication of a cold, flu, or other infection. Please call me and postpone a visit or cancel as a driver if you fit the description above.

Because my platelets are also low, I am no longer using sharp instruments, so no more gardening or chopping veggies in the kitchen for a while. If anyone would like to come deadhead my flowers, particularly my roses, I would appreciate it and keep you company!

One more week of treatment is nearly over. Today after radiation, Leslie and I walked on Mt. Tabor with Louise and her dog, Litus. It is another beautiful day. I hope that summer will continue into fall. Now that the neighborhood children are back in school, as well as many of my teaching friends, I really feel my retirement status, and love it. I can take care of so many postponed projects, like ripping out carpeting, installing bathroom fans, securing my house to its foundation so as to qualify for earthquake insurance, and most happily, remodeling a bathroom. Spending more time at home, I am really appreciating getting everything in shape and as comfortable and welcoming as possible, for all your visits.

Medical update: Hopefully tomorrow, Friday, my white blood cell count will be high enough for another round of chemo; it wasn't last Tuesday. They say this is normal and to be expected. I learned something comforting/encouraging yesterday, reading The Scribe, a medical publication that Billy receives at our house. It featured my surgeon, Dr. Paul Hansen, who is medical director of hepatobiliary and pancreatic surgery at Providence Cancer Clinic. Apparently he was the first in the Pacific NW to perform a fully robotic laparoscopic Whipple surgery, for pancreatic cancer. As of 8/10/09, he had performed 10 such procedures. Only four other centers in the US, and no other is the western states, have used robotic surgery for this procedure, and only the Mayo Clinic has done more than a dozen. Apparently this is the most difficult kind of surgery, because it is very 'vascular.' Enough of the specifis, I am so calmed down knowing that my doctor is on the leading edge and highly respected. I can't imagine having a better team on my side.

So you all don't worry now. I truly feel fine and usually pretty calm about this. Thanks again for all of your warm thoughts, positive, energy, prayers, advice, gifts, cards, calls, visits, help, and comfort. I have a strong medical team and hosts of 'angels' looking after me.

Love you all.

Pamela

Hello - With two weeks of treatment completed, I feel good. We are down at Tierra del Mar again, with Zac, Deb, Bill, and my dogniece Sadie. Dave and Pia arrived in Portland Thursday night and are spending Friday and Saturday morning with Richard at Seaside before heading back to town for a friend's wedding. Sunday, they will come down to Tierra del Mar with Billy. It has been wonderful spending so much time with our three sons, especially at the beach where we have gathered so many fond memories over the past 20 years we have spent together. We hope to play in the waves, climb the dune, walk the shore, and eat at our favorite bakery, the Grateful Bread - best biscuits in the world.

We hope that each of you is happy and "celebrating another day of living" as we are.

I have been enjoying emails, snail mail, and phone calls from you all. (Please no texting.) Keep it coming. Feels so good to be loved.

Until later.

Love, Pamela and Ben

I have finished my first week of radiation (every weekday) and chemo (on Tuesdays and Fridays). Aside from feeling nauseous on Thursday afternoon and evening, I have actually felt fine. Everything seems to be moving like clockwork now: I have all my appointments set for the next 5 weeks, and my medical team is strong and supportive. I am in the process of setting up drivers for all my appointments. So many friends and family have made generous offers of help, and I am very grateful. I feel very loved. On Friday after chemo, Ben and I drove down to Tierra del Mar on the Oregon coast to join my sister Debbie and her husband Bill for the weekend. The air was so fresh and envigorating and the sound of the ocean both stimulating and calming. We had breakfast each day at our favorite bakery-restaurant, the Grateful Bread, in Pacific City. I was up for short strolls on the beach. The days of 7+ mile beach runs have long passed! I'm just glad that I feel good enough to walk for a 1/2 hour. I am eager for another week of treatment to shrink this cancer. We will be rewarded at the end of the week by a visit from David and Pia. They will join Billy, Zac, Ben, and me, for another weekend at Tierra del Mar. Hope to have some new entertaining photos up for your amusement soon. Take care.

Love, Pamela

Boogie boarding at Indian Beach 8/1/09- photo by Pia

Welcome to Pam and Ben's Homepage where we will keep you posted on current events in our lives. Bear with us as this is our first endeavor with Blogs! To view the postings, click on the titles to the right below listed sequentially by the month. You can also now make comments as you wish. If you sign on as a Follower, I'll know you're out there!